{"id":37,"date":"2024-04-20T11:10:16","date_gmt":"2024-04-20T08:10:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ismailbilir.com\/dugun\/?p=37"},"modified":"2024-04-20T11:24:15","modified_gmt":"2024-04-20T08:24:15","slug":"yureginden-at-beni","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.ismailbilir.com\/dugun\/2024\/04\/20\/yureginden-at-beni\/","title":{"rendered":"Y\u00fcreginden At Beni!"},"content":{"rendered":"

G\u00f6zlerimi a\u00e7t\u0131m<\/strong>. Zaman mahur. Uyand\u0131\u011f\u0131m ilk vakitti seni g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm an. Perdeleri kald\u0131rd\u0131m y\u00fcre\u011fimden. G\u00fcne\u015fti tenimi, \u0131l\u0131k nefesi ile s\u0131vazlayan.<\/p>\n

Hep kapal\u0131 ve kapal\u0131yken karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 ya\u015fatan pencereme uzand\u0131 ellerim. Bir an durdum. Ya\u011fmur tanelerinin, camlar\u0131 t\u0131klat\u0131p yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131ma ortak oldu\u011fu g\u00fcnleri an\u0131msad\u0131m. O ne ses \u00f6yle; y\u00fcrek kap\u0131s\u0131 \u00e7alar \u00a0gibi.<\/p>\n

Sorular d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc i\u00e7ime.<\/p>\n

Neden bu sabah perdeleri kald\u0131rd\u0131m y\u00fcre\u011fimden?
\nNeden sabah\u0131n ayd\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131 ok\u015fad\u0131 s\u00eenemi?
\nG\u00fcne\u015f bug\u00fcn \u00e7ok mu farkl\u0131yd\u0131? G\u00f6zlerim aynada, aynada ise bir ba\u015fkas\u0131.<\/p>\n

Penceremin hemen yan\u0131ba\u015f\u0131nda tazeli\u011fi ile g\u00fcn\u00fc g\u0131pta ettiren bu \u00e7i\u00e7ek kime g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u00fcyor? O nazl\u0131 edas\u0131 da kime? Hayret! Sanki \u00e7i\u00e7e\u011fi burnunda bir \u00e7i\u00e7ek! Umrunda m\u0131 d\u00fcnya? G\u00f6r\u00fcr m\u00fc g\u00f6zleri beni?<\/p>\n

Bug\u00fcn \u00e7ok farkl\u0131.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sorgulad\u0131m benden ayr\u0131 kalm\u0131\u015f ruhumu. Yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n yol ayr\u0131m\u0131nda esiyor sevda yelleri. Hangi mevsimdeyiz? Hangi hazan, sonu ya\u015f\u0131yor bitkin g\u00f6nl\u00fcmde. Hasret dedikleri tutulur mu? Ya da \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p kar\u015f\u0131ma: \u201ci\u015fte benim\u201d<\/em> diyebilir mi? Ya\u015fayan m\u0131 bilir, ya\u015fatan m\u0131? Bu sorular da niye \u00e7ald\u0131 ki d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce kap\u0131 m\u0131?<\/p>\n

Hani \u201ckap\u0131\u201d <\/em>demi\u015fken geldi akl\u0131ma. Kap\u0131lar a\u00e7\u0131lmak ve yine kap\u0131lar kapanmak i\u00e7in vard\u0131r. A\u00e7\u0131k m\u0131 y\u00fcre\u011finin kap\u0131s\u0131? Ya da kap\u0131lar\u0131? Ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z, nefes ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z evin kap\u0131s\u0131ndan bahsetmiyorum. D\u00fcnyan\u0131, ac\u0131n\u0131, yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, s\u0131rr\u0131n\u0131, feryad\u0131n\u0131, h\u00fczn\u00fcn\u00fc, hasretini ve \u00f6zlemini\u2026 Bu ya\u015fam halkalar\u0131n\u0131n her birini saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131n mekan\u0131. O mekana a\u00e7\u0131lan kap\u0131y\u0131 soruyorum sana? Yoksa korkular\u0131n eline tutu\u015fturdu\u011fu anahtarlarla m\u0131 uyuyorsun? Kap\u0131lar sonuna kadar kapal\u0131yken, bir mesafe arada varken ve kap\u0131lar aralanmam\u0131\u015fken; b\u00fcy\u00fck bir hevese \u00f6zlem duyar gibi, vuslat\u0131 tenine davet eder gibi, geli\u015finin ayak seslerini sezer gibi, \u00e7ald\u0131 \u00e7alacak diye hayallerde ya\u015far gibi? Ve bu \u201cgibi\u201d<\/em>ler gibi.<\/p>\n

Hangi r\u00fczgarlar esiyor sa\u00e7lar\u0131nda. Gecenin hangi saatini vuruyor zaman yoklu\u011funda.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n pen\u00e7esinde, yerlerde s\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fcrken, dal\u0131ndan kopar\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bir g\u00fcl ellerinde, sana e\u015flik ediyor. Y\u00fcre\u011fine teselli verir gibi. S\u00fcr\u00fcnd\u00fck\u00e7e kan\u0131yor g\u00fcl, eziliyor dallar\u0131. Can \u00e7eki\u015fiyor, na\u00eef ve zarif olan yapraklar\u0131. Ona eziyet etmek istemese de, can\u0131n\u0131 incitiyor parmaklar\u0131n. O sana g\u00f6n\u00fcl vermi\u015f, avu\u00e7lar\u0131n aras\u0131nda vakur bir endam ile seninle beraber. Belki ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n ac\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 soluyor. Belki de kavu\u015fman\u0131n heyecan\u0131n\u0131 ve sevigiliye uzat\u0131lmay\u0131 bekliyor. Bihaber kalm\u0131\u015f g\u00fcl. Anla\u015f\u0131lmazl\u0131k duvarlar\u0131 \u00f6r\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f her bir yana. G\u00fcl de\u011fil mi y\u00fcre\u011fin habercisi?. G\u00fcl de\u011fil mi a\u015fklar\u0131n dilcisi?.<\/p>\n

\u201cG\u00fcl\u201d<\/em> demi\u015fken, b\u00fclb\u00fcl geldi akl\u0131ma. G\u00fcl i\u00e7in na\u011fmeler dizeleyen B\u00fclb\u00fcl!. G\u00fcl\u2019e g\u00fclbesteler dizen B\u00fclb\u00fcl. Seherin \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131 ile sabaha merhaba diyen, g\u00fcl i\u00e7in sesini s\u00fcsleyen B\u00fclb\u00fcl. Ve sonu h\u00fcsran ile biten a\u015fklar sonras\u0131. Tenha ve derkenar k\u00f6\u015felere at\u0131lan G\u00dcL.<\/p>\n

G\u00fcl, uzats\u0131n ellerin. G\u00fcldeste kokusuna bezensin y\u00fcre\u011fin. Yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011fa davetiye versin y\u00fcrek kap\u0131n. Anahtar\u0131 G\u00dcL.
\nFarkl\u0131 bir g\u00fcn\u00fcn, farks\u0131z g\u00fcnlere yol al\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 izliyorum.
\nG\u00fcne\u015f, mehtab\u0131 sensizli\u011fe boyamaya ba\u015flam\u0131\u015fken, yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7ime demir atm\u0131\u015fken:<\/p>\n

\u0130stekli misin h\u00fcsrana?<\/strong><\/p>\n

KAYBEDECE\u011e\u0130N\u0130 B\u0130LE B\u0130LE y\u00fcklenir misin b\u00fct\u00fcn cesaretini omzuna?<\/strong>
\n\u201cOLMAZ\u201d <\/em>kelimesini yazacak kalemin m\u00fcrekkebi ba\u015ftan ayr\u0131l\u0131kken, ac\u0131 k\u00fcnyeyi vurabilir misin boynuna?<\/strong><\/p>\n

G\u00fcl \u00e7almas\u0131n kap\u0131m\u0131. Yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011fa ortak olmak, yok etmez mi yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131?
\nVar ol git, yok ol gel.
\nYaln\u0131zl\u0131k, G\u00dcL uzatmaya TEK engel.<\/p>\n

Umut vermesin yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131m,
\nY\u00fcre\u011finden at beni.
\nKilitlidir a\u00e7\u0131lmaz kap\u0131lar\u0131m,
\nC\u00fcmlelere nokta diye sat beni.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u0130steyemedi\u011fimsin\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

G\u00f6zlerimi a\u00e7t\u0131m. Zaman mahur. Uyand\u0131\u011f\u0131m ilk vakitti seni g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm an. Perdeleri kald\u0131rd\u0131m y\u00fcre\u011fimden. G\u00fcne\u015fti tenimi, \u0131l\u0131k nefesi ile s\u0131vazlayan. Hep kapal\u0131 ve kapal\u0131yken karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 ya\u015fatan pencereme uzand\u0131 ellerim. Bir an durdum. Ya\u011fmur tanelerinin, camlar\u0131 t\u0131klat\u0131p yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131ma ortak oldu\u011fu g\u00fcnleri an\u0131msad\u0131m. O ne ses \u00f6yle; y\u00fcrek kap\u0131s\u0131 \u00e7alar \u00a0gibi. Sorular d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc i\u00e7ime. Neden bu sabah perdeleri […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":38,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[4,7,8,3],"class_list":["post-37","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-genel","tag-ask","tag-duygusal","tag-romantik","tag-siir"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ismailbilir.com\/dugun\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ismailbilir.com\/dugun\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ismailbilir.com\/dugun\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ismailbilir.com\/dugun\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ismailbilir.com\/dugun\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.ismailbilir.com\/dugun\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":39,"href":"http:\/\/www.ismailbilir.com\/dugun\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37\/revisions\/39"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ismailbilir.com\/dugun\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/38"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ismailbilir.com\/dugun\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ismailbilir.com\/dugun\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=37"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ismailbilir.com\/dugun\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}